


The Potato-Powered Time Machine

by Iamnotthewriteryourelookingfor



Series: Original Work [1]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Old work, Original Character(s), Original work - Freeform, Referenced Alcoholism, Referenced Drug Use, poorly described time travel, possible referenced drug addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:57:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamnotthewriteryourelookingfor/pseuds/Iamnotthewriteryourelookingfor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A time machine powered by potatoes.<br/>What could happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Potato-Powered Time Machine

The apartment was a mess when Josh returned from his weekend at home; coloured wires, different sized springs and bits of scrap metal littered the floor, coffee table and sofa along with empty coke cans, pizza boxes and, for some odd reason, a couple dozen potatoes. Sitting on the floor between the wooden coffee table and grey sofa was Josh’s girlfriend and flat mate, Laura. She seemed to be stitching two pieces of metal to a leather wrist-guard with loops of wire wrapped around her thin body and a screw driver sticking out of her mess of artificially coloured hair. “Have you slept?” he asked, stepping over a disguarded teddy bear, dumping his stuff on the kitchen counter next to a box of lukewarm pizza.

“Busy.” Laura muttered, her brow creasing with concentration. Josh began chewing on a piece of pizza, watching Laura’s frenzied movements.

“What are you doing?”

“Making a time machine.”

“And the potatoes are?”

“Power source.”

“A potato-powered time machine?” he waited while Laura strapped the gauntlet to her wrist and begin attaching potatoes to the wires sticking out from under the metal plates. “What are you on?” she made a small noise, as if she was barely listening to Josh now, who continued talking. “I think vodka would fix it.” He said, pulling a bottle of vodka from the fridge and taking a swig.

“You think vodka would fix anything.” Laura answered immediately, not looking up. “Anyway potatoes are vodka...” She looked up so Josh could see her eyes were glazed. “No wait, vodka comes from potatoes, like diamonds come from coal.”

“You’re off your head.” Josh said aloud to himself, taking another glug.

“And you’ll be hung over tomorrow.” Laura stated, making Josh stop mid-swig. He opened his mouth to answer back but thought the better of it.

“How many potatoes do you need?” he asked instead.

“Eight.”

“How do you know?” Josh frowned at her when she didn’t answer. “How much vodka would that be?” he watched as Laura made the calculations. He always said she was a bright physics student and had a good head for numbers. Memory, however, was always going to be her downfall.

“About 600ml.” Laura answered, unstrapping her contraption.

“Isn’t that your steam-punk cos-play bracelet?”

“Gauntlet, and it was.” Laura corrected, walking over to the kitchen counter to eat some pizza.

“How do you know only 8 potatoes work?” Josh asked again now that he had as much of her attention as he ever had. She pulled up four small pieces of paper out of her jeans pocket.

“Lottery tickets.” She said, showing surprising reflexes when Josh attempted to snatch them from her grasp.

“I picked up two for you.” She said, handing over a pair. “We’re gonna be a few million dollars richer tomorrow.” She said in a sing-song voice.

“different lotteries?” Josh inquired and Laura rolled her eyes.

“Oh course, Josh. I’m not stupid.” Laura told him “4 different lotteries, 4 winning tickets.”

Josh sighed, stowed the tickets in his wallet and rubbed his eyes.

“I gotta go. I’ve got a lecture in a few hours.”

“Why do you have a lecture on Sat-day.” Laura asked and Josh gave her an ‘are you serious’ look.

“It’s Monday.”

Laura’s face went black for a second. “Oh, yes, of course…. You’re back… right.” Josh was about to ask her if she’d slept at all on the weekend, but thought better of it. Laura stretched. “I’m gonna have a shower and go to bed.”

“What about your lectures?” Josh asked but she continued like she hadn’t heard him.

“Then I’ll make you a vodka-powered time machine if you want.”

“Really?”

“Since there’s less surface area, you’ll probably need more vodka, say about 7-50 mill or so. And it’ll probably evaporate.”

“What makes you think that?” Josh asked, watching as she exited the room.

“I made chips.” Was all Laura said, slamming the bathroom door behind her.

 

Josh was woken in the middle of the night by an odd sound. It was a sound right out of a science fiction movie, a zap of energy accompanied by a dull thud as two objects collided. He waited, he could hear two people talking, the low hum was almost undistinguishable through the walls of the flat. So it could have been two people and it could’ve just been Laura talking to herself. Then he hear the sound again, this time it was just the zap, followed by the sound of running feet. The door was ripped open and Laura pouched onto the bed, almost landing on Josh’s knees.

“Josh-wake-up!” she yelled, shaking him. “I did it! I did it!”

“Did what?” Josh groaned, pulling a pillow over his head.

“I-made-a-vodka-powered-time-machine!” Laura yelled in one breath.

“What?” Josh asked, muffled by the pillow over his face.

“I. made. A. vodka. Powered. Time. Machine.” Laura explained slowly. Josh sighed and removed the pillow so she could see him glaring at her.

“This couldn’t wait until morning?”

“It is morning.”

“I mean 9 o’clock.”

“I have a time machine. There is no time to waste!”

“It’s too early for this.” Josh mumbled, rolling over. “I need sleep.”

“No you don’t.” Laura said, pushing him off the bed. “Get your ass up.” Josh hit the carpet with a thud and shuffled under the double bed, out of reach of Laura’s claws. He heard Laura jump out of the bed and saw her bare feet retreat out of the room. Moments later, she returned. Josh watched her purple painted toenails in silence, wondering if she had given up.

“Jesus F-.” he gasped as she dropped to her knees and jabbed a long broom handle under the bed. He rolled out and jumped up, standing on the opposite side of the bed. Laura smiled.

“Good, you’re up. Come on.” She walked back out of the room, the broom trailing behind her.

 

The brown teddy bear was once again in his way as Josh entered the living room. With a sigh of frustration, he knocked it out of the way with his foot.

“Don’t kick him!” Laura snapped, flinging the broom in his direction. He didn’t have to duck, the broom was too big for her to throw with one hand. It landed with a clatter half-way between them.

“How old are you? 5? It’s just a toy.” Josh mocked but stopped as Laura’s hand twitched over the kitchen knife. He didn’t understand her attachment to the thing, it was childish and useless. But she loved it and he loved her. She was fiddling with something on the kitchen bench with her back to him, now a stony wall of silence.

“I’m sorry.” Josh said, snaking his arms around her waist. There was a moment before Laura relaxed back into his arms with a small smile playing at her lips.

“I’m sorry I tried to throw a broom at you.” Laura turned around, holding out Josh’s black overcoat which is what she had been working on. Two large pockets had been sown onto the inside. When Josh asked about them Laura made her _‘in a minute, I’m busy’_ noise as she helped Josh into the coat. She then produced the other leather and metal gauntlet from last year’s _Supernova_ cosplay and strapped it to Josh’s wrist.

“It’s a bit tight.” Josh complained as Laura handed him a bottle of vodka with wires sticking up through a small hole in the cap. The wires went all the way to the bottom of the bottle, two were red, three blue and one purple. The red wires attached to green ones that were twisted around several springs on the gauntlet. The purple one was attached to a yellow wire that was welded to the metal plates along with the orange wires which were attached to the blue ones.

“Just remember, the coloured wires go with their opposites.” Laura explained as she stowed the bottle of vodka in one of the new inside pockets.

“How would I remember that?” Josh asked.

“It’s basic 6th year stuff.” Laura said, stowing another bottle of vodka in the other pocket.

“What’s that?”

“That is emergency fuel. You’re not to drink it.” Laura warned. “You wanna try it now?”

 _‘Yes.’_ Josh immediately thought but then the rational part of his brain kicked in with a hang-over headache.

“How about we wait until we win the lottery.” Josh said and Laura sighed.

“I told you that you’d have a hangover in the morning.” She unstrapped the time machine and pulled the coat off Josh’s shoulders and pointed towards the bedroom. Josh took it as permission to go back to bed.

“What did you mean before, when you said you made chips?” he asked at the bedroom door.

“The potatoes fried.” Laura explained and Josh took that as the only answer he was certain to get and went back to bed.

 

One week and 4 million dollars later, Josh was ready to try out his own time machine.

“OK. Where do you want to go?” Laura asked.

“The Victorian Era.” Josh answered without a moment’s thought. Laura gave him a look.

“Are you sure?” She asked. “What if you get trapped there? I won’t come rescue you. And I will not be crying for you.”

“I’m sure I’ll be happy. You know I like it there.” Josh reassured her. Laura crossed her arms.

“How do you know, you’ve never been there.”

“You worry too much. I’ll be fine.” Josh grinned and activated his time-machine. There was a flash of white purple light and Josh vanished into the time-space continuum.

“It’s a vodka-powered time machine and you’re basically an alcoholic.” Laura told the space that had previously been occupied by her boyfriend. “What could go wrong?”

 

 

**(1884)**

The smell was the first thing Josh noticed, the people were the second. Seriously, there were everywhere. The bottle of vodka that had been hooked up to the time machine was now empty, the smell of burnt alcohol still hung about his person. However, his first day was a bit of a blur in his memory…

 

… Josh groaned and looked around the room. He was in a palace or an estate owned by a very rich man, that much was obvious. But whose house he was in and what he was doing there was a blacked-out blur. He rose from the large bed and picked up his coat and time machine. In the pocket was the remaining bottle of vodka. Which was empty.

“So that’s what happened last night.” Josh looked up as the blue and gold double doors swung open and a smartly dressed butler carrying a silver tray on which sat a steaming cup.

“Your tea, sir.” The butler said in a level voice. “As you stated the previous evening, you most likely do not remember any of the events which transpired yesterday. I am Jones, your butler and you are now the permanent guest of Mrs Hunter.”

“OK. And how did I manage that?” Josh asked, taking a sip of tea.

“I am not sure.” Jones answered. “She observed you entertaining the masses and thought your way of insulting people with a smile was entertaining to say the least. You promised that you would treat all her guests like that in return for accommodation.”

“OK, then. This I can handle.” Josh said, grinning from ear to ear at the possibilities.

**(Present Day)**

When her future self had given her the vodka-powered time machine, she had said it would be the last time Laura would ever see or hear from Josh. Speaking of which, she would still have to build a vodka-powered time machine. Good thing she had 4 million dollars to pay for her college tuition.

Laura waited for half an hour before turning around and walking back into her apartment. She paused in the doorway to finally lift the brown teddy bear off the floor. She dusted it off, kissed it on the nose and said "I think he's gone." Before placing it on the kitchen bench and making herself a cup of tea.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a university subject in 2012, so it's a little older but I'm still pretty proud of it.  
> It had a 2,000 word limit so that's why it sort of just ends.  
> I may come back and re-write or add onto it but I'm not sure.  
> 'Josh' was based on a guy who was a friend back then, I'm not sure about now. 'Laura' was his ex.


End file.
